stockholm weekend pics, an edgy mother

stockholm in spring.

sometimes weekend adventuring means staying at home, in pyjamas, for much of the days...

especially when you have a husband who just one day before the weekend, with only 3 hours of sleep (because his flight was delayed), climbed into a school bus with a bunch of noisy children from his son's school to ski/volunteer for an entire day in romme.  one day later he is back on a plane for a work related event, far from home.

especially when you have a son who is kept very busy (and challenged) by his international baccalaureate school with assignment upon assignment which all happen to be due on monday.  who procrastinates, groans, and is passive because he much prefers the adventuring outdoors kind of weekend.

especially when i was on edge.  maybe it's the post holiday blues, maybe it's the return of winter-like temperatures (there was snow on saturday), maybe it's single parenting, maybe it's kai's defiance, maybe these are only excuses. i wasn't able to give patience, gentleness or kindness.

i forget that i am his role model, that i set the tone.  when i feel edgy, it does nothing for my relationship with kai.  he raises a wall, he is disobedient and cocky... self-preservation from his mom.  i forget that the love i want is unconditional.  i forget that yelling is an easy way out.  i forget that he is learning my bad behaviour.

for kai's sake, i need to be mindful.  turn my bad behaviour into an opportunity for forgiveness and his defiance into an opportunity to show my self-control and love. 

yet, at the end of the day, i feel i am loved.  in bed, reading a story, kai will hold my hand, he will nuzzle a little closer, he will rest his head on my shoulder.  i feel guilty for my lack of patience, gentleness and kindness.  i can only hope he believes me when i say i love him too.  does he feel it?

(not pictured, dinner with a group of lovely ladies i have never before met, delicious indian wrap lunch from a food truck, a tickle-fest).