kai works on his homework but he wants to be playing on the xbox. he settles at the kitchen table to give it a try as i make a snack. peanut butter and apples, cucumber slices, a chocolate covered rice cracker.
i join him at the kitchen table and we work. he studies for his science test as i prepare blog posts, edit photos, research for our upcoming vacation, plug in work dates into my calendar. we chat, he shares school stories about the vegan speaker in his individual and societies class, the lunch on offer at school that day was a good one, the funny youtube video. i listen. i observe. i embrace the chit chat but notice not much studying is happening.
i offer helpful suggestions to get him focused. they are not welcome. he offers no solutions, just smart alecky responses. i find his objections to my help grating. a lovely late afternoon at the kitchen table turns... i yell.
a mistake that wasn't in the plan. kai is hurt and disappointed, eyebrows furrowed, lost in my sudden outburst. how confusing to have his mother turn on him, no notice. the sunny day letting in warmth and light into our kitchen seems to cloud over.
my heart breaks to have hurt him, to have turned our warm and cozy kitchen to a cold uninviting cave.
a mistake. how does the saying go, we should embrace our mistakes and learn from them... evidently, it's hard for me. parenting is hard.
nevertheless when mistakes arrive, as they do, i think i am a little more prepared than the last time. i started yoga again, i remember to breathe, i empathize, i set the tone and make it warm again. i am the grown-up after all.
so, i make a silly face. i bring out fabrique's nut and cranberry bars. and another chat to reassure my love... eventually, the clouds part and the kitchen is warm again.
i can't wait to catapult ourselves to oman for a much needed vacation... warmth and togetherness to reset, recharge, and relax.
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