currently reading

kai overheard stefan and i talking about the battle hymn of the tiger mother and so now it's a joke that when kai is being especially naughty i will tell him that maybe i should be more like the tiger mama. his response is always an emphatic, "nooooo!" 

the author, amy chua, writes about her efforts to raise her two children in a traditional, strict “Chinese” upbringing. 

there has been controversy about her parenting tactics and about what seems like advocating the 'chinese' style of parenting as superior. but right from the beginning she acknowledges that others also practice strict parenting including 'western' ones so i am not sure what all the fuss is about. this is her memoir, her experience as a parent (i hear that her parenting mellows by the end of the book).  

thus far, her parenting is resonating with me. i love her honesty. in one scenario she describes having her daughter practice the piano until she got a particular piece of music perfect. whenever her daughter complained she couldn't or didn't want to do it, the author would threaten to take away toys, state there would be no presents at xmas, and even had her daughter go without dinner until she got it right. well, her daughter did finally master it and was so excited that she wanted to keep playing it over and over again.  although her tactics were harsh, i understood immediately what i think the author wanted to achieve - to teach that hard work, practise, and belief in oneself can achieve goals and increase confidence.  i think there is nothing better for confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.

i can become a bit of a tiger mama myself (well, maybe with a loud purr instead of a roar).  although skating and skiing are not activities he needs to be successful in life (and the real tiger mama would disapprove of), we live on the west coast with the mountains at our doorstep.  the first time kai tested me was when he was 4 and i put him into skate lessons. he spent all but one of six lessons on his bottom, refusing to get up.   my girlfriend who also had her son in lessons suggested that i pull kai from lessons since he didn't want to be there. i balked at this idea.  he wasn't even trying to skate, how does he know he doesn't want to be there.  so instead i told him that i would continue to put him into skate lessons until he showed me that he would try his best.  the next set of lessons he didn't sit on his bottom, he tried and he focused.  this continued with subsequent skate lessons.   he still lacks in the technical aspects of skating but he now skates with no fear, is fast, and most importantly, he has a great big smile on his face while skating.  we went through a similar scenario with skiing.  when it was time for pick up, his instructor would direct me to the hut, kai refused to ski after snack time. but i still took him week after week.  he now loves skiing, has fun doing it, is extremely good at it and he looks forward to skiing each winter.  if i let him give up, how would he know whether he loves something or not?

i remind kai about these scenarios whenever he tries something new, even a new math skill.  practice, patience (and listening to your mom) can result in good things.  especially at this young age, i want kai to be optimistic about learning, i want him to be successful, i want him to live life without fear.  most importantly, i want him to feel passionately about whatever he chooses to do in life. 

between stefan and i, i am definitely the stricter parent but i acknowledge that my loud purr can be stubbornness on my part and am working towards purr-ing more softly.  it's a journey and as a parent, i am anxious about whether or not i am doing good, as most parents do.